Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
