We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
that's an acceptable place to lick
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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