There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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