its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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