i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
