rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
