In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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