Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
