no, he came in my armpit
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
