He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
