Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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