Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
