between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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