It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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