My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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