the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
