Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
