best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
