Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
