pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
