Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
