i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
