I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
