i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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