In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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