i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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