i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
