So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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