pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
