Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
