So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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