just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
