Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
even my farts smell like vagina
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
