Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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