I think I died a long time ago.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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