I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
