Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
