I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
