He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
