I'm really into asian looking animals
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
