Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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