I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
