i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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