Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Is it because I queefed?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
