i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
