there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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