haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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