he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
