Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
