just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
