I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
