I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
